"Absent"

Your all too familiar absence in my life tells me everyday how you really think and feel about me. Your few carefully chosen words in the scarce minutes we do speak, do little to soothe the painful loss of having been denied what was truly important to me. Like time with you, your children and the creating of our own album of memories. I never saw this coming sadly, as everyday was spent in believing that somehow tomorrow would be better and we would eventually pick up where we last left off. Strange how time gets away from us, yet even more strange to me is how we humans can be so cruel to each other. I sit as a spectator to your life, only given occasional glimpses like a kid with his nose pressed to the glass of his favorite doughnut shop. Every now and then someone notices the child peering through the window, drooling over the tasty treats and decides to bring him one of what didn't sell during the morning rush hour. You know the leftovers, something they didn't want anyway, so why not give it to the kid staring through the glass. Yes, that's what you give me the leftovers! Nothing planned or carefully anticipated but the few scraps of time remaining after you've gone on your vacations to the beach, casino's, or trips to see admired friends or distant family. A thousand times I've said I will not let this hurt me anymore, yet still there are tears that remain. My concern is one day the tears will eventually stop revealing to me an even worse truth than the one's I already know. You see, the one thing I fear most should the well of my own tears cease to flow is I will have become like you and stopped caring anymore. I guess I've spent the whole of life trying to fix and repair things like broken vases, scratched furniture and torn blue jeans. Some tangible things can be mended and salvaged in ways that few would even notice, but not so with most human relationships. There aren't many willing to do the hard work necessary to give life back to them. Especially if it requires they must own their part in how the relationship became fractured to begin with. I'm thinking maybe it's time to bury these dead corpses and get on with living what remains of life because there isn't much time left for me in this world. This much I do know, only Jesus Christ can raise the dead and give life to it again. If you intended to hurt me, you can rest assured you have~